When I was younger, I firmly believed that by the time I was 21, I would have everything figured out. Well, I’m turning 20 this year and it depresses me because I have nothing figured out.

I thought I would have a well paying job, a place of my own, and that I would have found love at least once, or at least just not care about love yet.

Honestly, I’m still only working jobs at minimum wage (at least I love the staff at this one), I am too poor to live on my own, and in the love department, I am as lonely as fuck. I do have an FWB, but I do not think it is anything like falling in love. 

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am truly disappointing my 10 year old self, and that is pretty bad. I have learnt a lot since becoming independent, but that is not enough. I am in a rut. 

To fix things, I guess I could either balance 2 jobs and save a couple of years for college, or balance 2 jobs until next term that I apply for.

It would help if I knew what I wanted to take. It would be amazing if by the time I was 23, I had my own place, a well paying career, and if I found love.

Ahhh, to dream.